Over the last few years, it seems there are more and more young, single women coming for counseling. This is a good thing! These young ladies want to address the trajectory of their Christian adulthood early on, and they want to make sure they’re on the right track with their lives. I’m always happy to meet a 20-something believer who is seeking to deepen her walk with the Lord, and to live in a way that brings Him glory. But a number of them are coming with a problem that most of us in Christian circles do not expect to see in our young women. That problem is sexual sin.

They’re tearing up the woods behind my house. My family moved into this house over 20 years ago, partly because of the thick, 50-acre woods behind it. It was a beautiful, lush patch of forest in the middle of the city, and we absolutely loved it. Now, they’re building a park there. Actually, there was already a park there, behind our stretch of woods, but it was quite neglected and had become a hangout for drug dealers and other “ne’er do wells”, as my grandmother would have called them. At first, when I heard they were going to expand the park, I was happy to hear that the neglected area would be revitalized, and a new park for families would take its place. At the inception of the project, the city assured the neighbors that there would be a generous stretch of the woods left so that our houses would still back up to the woods, and we would continue to enjoy the privacy to which we’d become accustomed.

Have you considered becoming an ACBC Certified Biblical Counselor? If so, what has held you back from getting started, or what is slowing you down in your process? Today, BC4Women guest blogger Lara d’Entremont, who is nearly to the finish line in her certification process, shares some tips to motivate and encourage you.

You wanted your child to have this amazing life. You planned and dreamed, scrimped and saved, and made sacrifices daily to give it to him. As he grew, you exhorted, rebuked, and instructed him in righteousness the best you knew how; never perfectly, but always with a heart that wanted him to love the Lord, love others, and walk in obedience.

Before my feet hit the cold morning floorboards, I was already discouraged. There was a part of me that didn’t want to get out of bed, knowing that the day was already set for failure. The night before I had cried myself to sleep, considering all the ways I had given way to anxiety. ­

It began with a biblical self-counseling assignment. I was working towards my BA in Biblical Counseling online, and I had loved every moment of it until now. Our professor assigned a self-counseling project in which we had to choose an issue in our lives to work on like road rage, fingernail chewing, procrastination, specific fears, etc. I have struggled with anxiety the majority of my life, and this assignment gave me a new hope that had long ago burnt out—that I could be free from my struggle.

I once heard this testimony from a counselee who came to see me because of depression:

“My mother suffered from an undiagnosed mental illness for most of my childhood. She would be in bed for months at a time, and then I would come home from school one day and she would be gone, in the hospital. After a few weeks, she would come back home, usually drugged or just flat. She’d be ok for a while, but then the depression would come back, and it would start all over. Finally, when I was in high school, she got the diagnosis: Major Depressive Disorder.[i][ii] She was put on medications, and pretty much stayed stable until the end of her life, when the drugs finally destroyed her kidneys and she passed away. I am terrified that this is my future. My doctor thinks I have it, too.”

People come to biblical counselors for help for all different sorts of reasons. Some people have been comforted in times of difficulty by a substance to such an extent that they can no longer live without that substance. The relief of emotional pain may have come from food, alcohol, or even isolation from others. Others have been deeply hurt in life and come for help because their hurt has turned to anger and bitterness.

Recently, we celebrated “Sanctity of Life Sunday” at my church, as did thousands of you around our nation and world. We were reminded of the tragedy of abortion, both the loss of the child, and the impact it will have on the mother for the rest of her life. We talked about how God is the creator and sustainer of life, and that every child, from the moment of conception, is an image bearer of God.

I am reaching out to you to make sure you were invited to this year’s conference. As we have done in the past, we will have a different theme this year than previous conferences. Our conference is in a new location this year! This March 2-3, 2018 the annual B3 (Bearing One Another’s Burdens Biblically) Conference will be held at Faith Community Church in Kansas City, Missouri.

My husband and I are privileged to hold a small group of fellow church members at our home. Currently, we are going through Jerry Bridges book, Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate.  In our most recent meeting, we were discussing the chapter on anxiety and frustration. One of Bridges points is that accepting God’s providential will is one of the keys to overcoming these two very common problems we all face. He recommends the writings of John Newton and quotes from a letter Newton wrote to a friend.

In a previous article, I offered some suggestions and tips for those of you who suffer from PMS, or Pre Menstrual Syndrome. This is a problem that can really cause a struggle for a few days each month, and I hope you got some encouragement there. Many of us, however, are past the years of that monthly battle and have entered the season of Menopause.

45th Anniversary of Roe V. Wade
We are reminded today of the anniversary of the tragic Roe decision that made abortion “safe and legal” in America. Sunday, in evangelical churches across our nation we celebrated Sanctity of Life Sunday. Some churches showed a short video, others had a guest speaker who spoke on the evils of abortion, and sadly, some of those speakers added to the crushing weight of fear, guilt, shame and regret that you live with every day.

We all have expectations of what our lives should look like, what we will or will not accomplish in life, what kinds of relationships we will or will not have, even how our lives should appear to others around us – our family, friends, and coworkers. We all have these expectations of ourselves, others, and even of God.

“I don’t know what happens! One day, I’m happy and everything’s fine. The next day, even though nothing has changed and there are no new problems, I’m miserable, mean, can’t stop crying, and all my problems seem completely insurmountable! It’s like I’m Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde!” These aren’t the words of any particular person, but they sum up well the lament of those who suffer from PMS[i][ii]. This monthly cycle of everything that was fine yesterday being devastating today is a very common theme in counseling, and I suspect in all of womanhood. So, what’s the deal with PMS? Did God just decide to play a cruel trick on women? Was he mad at Eve for eating the fruit, and decided to take it out on all of her daughters forever?

“Shame is an intense feeling of angst that makes you wish you could evaporate; extreme humiliation and remorse; a despairing of life from abject embarrassment. Shame is deeper than guilt. It is not based on having done something wrong so much as a soul ache of being wrong at the core. Shame is more piercing than condemnation where the reality of judgment is mentally apprehended from an outside arbitrator. With shame, we palpably feel our own depravity in vivid self-realization.” http://www.acts17-11.com/shame.html. 

I am unashamedly a big fan of Star Trek. I love the campy original series with Spock and Captain Kirk, the steady leadership of Pickard and Ryker in Next Generation, and the wanderings of the crew of the spaceship Voyager. Some of my favorite episodes feature dealings with the Borg. For those who are unenlightened in the wonders of Star Trek, the Borg is a predatory, alien species of cybernetic organisms who add to their number by assimilation. Once the Borg gets ahold of a species, they became a part of the hive by being assimilated. Individuality is non-existent. Their conquests are completely and permanently absorbed and physically altered to look and function like a Borg drone. The Borg have one mind and one purpose, and their goal is the total assimilation of the universe.

The house is quiet and empty this morning. It is the first day that things are “normal” after the Christmas holiday since all our children and grandchildren have gone. When I was a young parent with three little boys running through the house with nerf guns and action figures, I enjoyed the sounds as they played Batman and Spiderman with each other. Christmas morning was such fun!

Training in Biblical Counseling: New On-Campus Series Begins January 12
Reigning Grace Counseling Center is a training center for those desiring to learn how to counsel and disciple others in either a church setting, or a para-church organization. Our training program is affordably priced, is intensive and comprehensive, offering a high level of instruction from teachers who are certified biblical counselors with the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors and the International Association of Biblical Counselors.

Every day of our lives we are surrounded by anger. From impatient drivers to impatient people in a line, to conflict in personal relationships, anger is everywhere. In the counseling work that I do, I see the damage that anger does in the lives of countless people. Thankfully, many excellent books have been written about this subject that have been of invaluable help in counseling