Unfortunately, these sinful actions of others often unnecessarily affect a woman for a lifetime. Women who have been abused are righteously angry at the abuse that was done to them. No one outside of a woman’s husband has the right to touch her body, and a loving husband would not force himself on his wife sexually.

In the counseling office, we deal with women who have been sexually abused, often when they were children. These cases demand special care and compassion and yet it is important to help a woman realize she is not an ongoing victim of these assaults. While emotional fallout is present, these emotions can be resolved biblically, and even a woman who was assaulted by her father or brother can go on to live a fulfilled and joyful life, and she can even learn to enjoy an intimate relationship with her husband.

The process is to first understand biblically that she was a victim. A child is not responsible for the actions of an adult no matter what the adult says! A woman who was raped is also not responsible for the actions of the man who raped her.

True victimization lasts only as long as the physical harm lasts. The psychologized world we live in would have us believe that we are always victims, or “survivors” constantly placing the emphasis on the sin that was committed against us. There is even a psychological term for it called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Biblically speaking, when we continue to meditate on any sin that was committed against us we are unforgiving, bitter, and angry. Living this way is not helpful or productive for a woman. When the focus is placed on the sin that was committed against her she can not move forward because a part of her is still living in the past.

If you are someone who has been sexually molested I would urge you to take the following steps: Understand that the person who molested or sexually assaulted you is- like you- as sinner. You may want to believe that their sin is worse than yours, however, God does not rate or rank sin, He hates it all. Jesus Christ died for sin, all sin his and yours. As Christ has forgiven your sins and thrown them as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12) so must you choose to forgive the man who assaulted you. This does not mean you tell him you forgive him, he has not asked you to forgive him! As in any case where you are hurt or offended by another person you as a Christian are able and expected to by God’s grace forgive him in your heart. If the day ever comes where he asks your forgiveness you can then tell him you have forgiven him.

Refusing to forgive him does not hurt him in any way, it only hurts you. You are the one living with the ongoing anger, bitterness and hatred in your heart and life.

You are the one who may be trying to hide from intimacy through overeating or drinking to excess. Your abuser is not suffering in any of these ways and by holding on to bitterness, anger, hatred and resentment you are allowing him to continue to have a hold on your life, you are remaining his victim.

This is not God’s design! I assure you that forgiveness is the only way to free yourself from his grasp and to begin to move forward into the future.

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