In today’s world, there are devastating risks to sexual immorality. Sexually transmitted diseases are rampant with statistics saying 1 in 5 young woman has one form or another. This is not the focus of these posts. Perhaps at some time in the future I will do so, but right now I am zeroing in on married women and the effects of pre-marital sex on them and the marriage.
When a woman is involved in sexual immorality it affects something in her thinking. God tells us in His Word that all our sin has consequences. While nothing will change the believer’s position in Christ before God, all sin carries the inescapable weight of consequences. These are painful and rooted in the heart.
What I have seen in my counseling ministry is women who have been involved in sexual immorality are deeply angry- both at themselves and at their husbands.They express anger at him for “talking me into it” and “not taking ‘no’ for an answer” and of course, the old “If you love me you will…”
Women want to be protected from harm by the men they love, they want to trust them and know the man has their best interests at heart. When a woman consents to pre-marital sex her thinking is affected and she comes to believe that in spite of his words he really does not love and respect her as he declares. Particularly if she has expressed hesitation at going forward with a sexual relationship and he pressures her into it. Even women who willingly participated in pre-marital sex have these thoughts.
Her heart is affected. The heart consists of our thoughts, beliefs, desires, emotions, will, soul; in essence all things that are immaterial. You can see how the consequences of sexual immorality affect each of these areas.
- Become resentful of his physical needs and of God’s commands not to deprive one another.
- Become manipulative devising ways to avoid sex, including starting arguments at bed time, claiming to be ill, sleeping in a different room or falling asleep on the couch, sneaking off to bed before he is aware.
- Thinks he is a “pig” or “insensitive” “selfish”
- Thinks it is unfair she has to submit and obey Scripture
- She believes all he wants is sex.
- She believes she is being abused, and used.
- She desires to be left alone.
- She desires to live with her husband in a largely platonic relationship
- Her emotions largely run her life.
- Feels used
- Feels alone
- Feels angry
- Feels disrespected
- She is fearful that her husband will force her to have sex
- She is afraid of the long term consequences of her actions on her marriage
- She is afraid someone will find out
- She is determined to avoid sexual intimacy whenever possible
- She is determined not to be mastered by her husband
- She asserts her will over her body
- She is tormented by what she has allowed to happen
- Fearful that her sin will not be forgiven
- She has guilt about depriving her husband, but her own wants are stronger
- Her heart is set on “self”
- What she wants is more important to her than Scripture, God, her husband’s wants and desires.
- Her heart is full of guilt
- Her heart is fearful
Initially the woman may not realize much or any of these issues are present. She just does not want sexual intimacy. This is obviously a problem in a marriage relationship.
Next time- how can it be fixed?