When a woman has sex outside of or prior to marriage guilt results. Last time we looked at the resulting guilt and how to address it. Once the guilt is dealt with, there are other issues that must be resolved.
You must deal with the anger: Deal with the anger you have at yourself. Many a woman is angry with for violating her own conscience; for giving in to her flesh. This too must be brought to the cross. Understand that God in His sovereignty has allowed these things to take place in your life (while not condoning or sanctioning your sin) for a higher purpose. This is essential to overcoming the anger. If you are angry at your husband, it may be justified, but you cannot hold on to it.
It is justified because your husband also sinned against you by fornicating with you, and taking something that did not righteously belong to him before marriage. But please do not expect him to confess and ask your forgiveness, he may have no such inclinations to do this! You cannot demand this from your husband although you certainly can pray for his heart to be moved by God. To deal with her anger toward your husband you must forgive him in her heart.
This means that it takes place between you and God. In prayer, talk to God and tell Him you want to forgive your husband for these deeds of the past. Ask His help in doing so and then refuse to meditate on it any longer. When you are tempted to bring up the past remember that God has forgiven your sin and thrown it as far as the east is from the west.
You must forgive him for pressuring you to have sex before marriage, or demanding you prove your love in this way. You must forgive him for not being a godly leader and demonstrating ungodly character while dating. You must forgive him for allowing himself to be tempted by you to the point he was lusting and sinning in his heart. This forgiveness is for the moment confessed only to God unless he has confessed his sin to you and asked for your forgiveness. If he has not done so you are not to tell him you forgives him at this time. For the moment, the verbal granting of forgiveness is withheld. It becomes a matter of vertical forgiveness, in your heart before God.
You must deal with the resentment: When a woman is resentful of her husband, she must search her heart for the reason. Sometimes is it obvious, she may perceive her husband as having all the freedom in the marriage especially if he expects her to be the sole care giver for the children so he can recreate. Perhaps he has a job that requires that he travel frequently, leaving her with the responsibilities of the home and children. Other causes of resentment are of she believes he is disinterested in her as a person. Often women tell me they do not feel their husbands respect them, and they have a hard time feeling amorous toward him when he is unkind.
Communication is important when resentment has built up. It is quite possible the husband has no idea of the strong emotional responses his wife is having about their lifestyle. A woman struggles with wanting sexual intimacy when she has not spoken more than a few sentences to her husband during the day. She desires a sense of connectedness with him, and when that is absent it is difficult for her to have a romantic mindset and avoid the thinking that her body is being used without his caring of her person. A wife can make godly appeals to her husband about his time spent in recreation, requesting that he take more interest in caring for and being with the children. She can also ask about the possibility of scheduling time away for just the two of them for reconnecting. Much of the lack of normal intimacy in marriage comes from just being too busy and distracted. In some cases the husband will not respond to her appeal and he will refuse to change or make accommodations. These are unfortunate cases, and I counsel women to focus on the changes she can make in the relationship. Forgiveness then becomes key in this situation.
More next time!!!
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