Now that we have God’s viewpoint on some of the reasons for sex, let’s turn our attention to other areas of mind renewal.
Many women who struggle with sex declare that there is nothing in it for them, that it is all about their husband’s pleasure. This routinely goes along with statements like “I endure it” or “I fake it.” Ladies, this attitude is not God’s intention for you! It is quite possible that your husband is unaware of how to bring you pleasure and you have never spoken up about it. May I ask, why not? Do you labor under the false thinking that it is somehow ungodly to enjoy intimacy? Are you fearful that your husband would be insulted if you brought this topic up to him and made suggestions as to how he could improve things? It may be uncomfortable for you to bring up this topic and discuss it openly and frankly, but I assure you it is the right thing to do. It is also in your husband’s best interests that you are satisfied by his lovemaking! A loving husband cares about his wife’s pleasure, and it is much more exciting for both of you if you are actively participating instead of “enduring.” There are numerous well written, tasteful books on this subject that can help the two of you to understand how a woman’s body works and there is no need to have an attitude of impropriety about reading them! You are a married woman, seeking to learn how to participate and enjoy an act that God Himself designed!
There are times when women are just not in the mood for intimacy. It may be the stress of the day or the part of your monthly cycle you are in. Unfortunately, some women say they are never in the mood and as a result their husbands are frustrated and irritated and the wife is also irritated and angry because it seems all he talks about is “when can we do it?” There is also the sad reality that some husbands are not caring or considerate about their wife’s intimate desires. Ladies, all things in the Christian’s life are to be about others, including sexual intimacy. The Lord Jesus made that very clear to us in His living example (Phil 2) that we are to consider other’s before ourselves. There may be times that you do not legitimately desire intimacy. In those cases I would urge you to think of your husband and willingly participate out of the “one another’s” attitude spoken of dozen’s of times in Scripture. Even if your husband is not sensitive to you. When your mind is fixed on glorifying God by serving your husband there will be no thoughts of his “using” your body for sex. When your thoughts and heart are fixed on how your obedience to these precious one another commands God is honored and glorified. Your willingness to participate in spite of your own lack of physical desire is a gift of love not only to your husband, but to God. It is all about the renewing of your mind. It is not dirty or inappropriate to offer this to God as a sacrifice of love; that is worldly thinking. Keep in mind that God created and designed this act of marriage and that in His eyes it is a beautiful and wonderful thing! I understand that this can be extremely difficult and heartbreaking in some cases. Again I must point you to the Scriptures and to the example of our Lord Jesus Christ who always responded in love when hurt, abused or insulted. His Spirit lives within you and because of Him you are most definitely able to do this. No martyr complexes though ladies…it is not a sacrifice of love to God or your husband to grudgingly go through the motions. Pray that God would help you to be a warm and willing partner, actively participating in pleasuring your husband.