If your husband is not interested in an intimate relationship with you it is natural that feelings of rejection, hurt, and anger will occur. You may also be confused and fearful about his reasons for this lack of natural affection.

First thing, if your husband is a Christian is to gently and lovingly point him to the Word of God. 1 Cor 7 lays out clearly for us that when we marry we belong in every way to our spouse. We commit to loving and cherishing that person and we both commit to meeting the physical needs of marriage. Be cautious not to use the Word as a weapon in an attempt to force your husband, or to use it for guilt and manipulation. Let the Word speak for itself and trust that God will be convicting his heart.

We have been brought up to believe that men are always ready for sex and that men always want sex so if our husband doesn’t want sex from us it bewilders us. In a previous post I listed some possible reasons why a man would not desire intimacy.

If your husband states he is not interested for a specific reason than do what you can do to resolve the issue. If it something you can do then take steps to fix it. Thank him for telling you no matter how humbling it is for you to do so.

If he puts you off and nothing you say or do changes things, then you have a tough situation to live with. The greatest issues I find wives deal with in this area is the hurt of rejection. Hurt typically is accompanied by anger and this is something that she must guard her heart against. Anger leads to bitterness and once bitterness sets in it begins to affect all other areas of her life.

Be careful not to take revenge. Romans 12:17-21 cautions us about taking revenge for ourselves and especially not in your marriage. If you view yourself as a victim you may tend to want to become a victimizer to get even with him. I suggest downloading a pamphlet I wrote on that subject from my website. It will be of great help to you!

Continue to love him unconditionally. Your obligation is to honor God by how you conduct yourself in your marriage. Treat him kindly and lovingly in spite of the hurt and pain you may be feeling. Immerse yourself in books like 1, 2 Peter which address suffering for righteousness sake.

As you pray, ask God to help you to focus on the aspects of your marriage and relationship that already honor Him and to keep your feet from stumbling into sinful thoughts, beliefs, and desires of the heart. This battle is fought and won (or lost) in the heart, so guard your heart well against bitterness and anger.

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