Over the next few days we will take a look at the importance of biblical relationships, specifically the communication aspect of our relationships. In Biblical counseling we focus on the areas of human relationships. Communication is necessary for relationships and what I can tell you is that it seems most people don’t know how to communicate. Without good communication you will not be able to have the kind of marriage, family or relationships God desires you to have. We tend to demand communication that meets what we perceive to be our needs. You hear things like “love tank”, and “love cup”, and “languages of love” all focused on meeting the perceived felt needs that we expect others to meet on a consistent basis.
Is this what the Bible says we are to be focused on? Felt needs? Do you find in Scripture anywhere a command to fill your love tank? Have you learned from any book of the Bible what to do with your love cup? These desires are just that, desires. Our job is to determine if these desires are biblical or not and then to respond correctly to our conclusion.
And when husband or boyfriend fails to fill our cup to overflowing, what is your response? Angry words? Blaming? Silent treatment? Withholding affection? Yelling, screaming, criticizing?
We have to realize that as the Proverbs say, in our tongues we hold the power to build up or to destroy. Too often we choose to tear down rather than build up, and we simply talk too much at times for our own good! Our speech is a powerful tool for either good or bad.
Those who love to talk will experience the consequences, for the tongue can kill or nourish life. Proverbs 18:21 (NLT) How often is your communication understood as you intended it? Is there a reason that you can isolate that causes your communication levels to be so poor? The primary reason is because we are sinners, because that is the root of all our problems. However many “sinners” do not have the issues with communication that others do.
Did you ever want to take back something you said? The moment it comes out of your mouth you regret it, and wish it had a leash so you could pull it back in and swallow it. But words spoken can never be reclaimed. And many of those words bring heartache and pain into relationships. Even an apology for those words does not erase the damage they can cause.
This is why James warns us so clearly about controlling these tongues of ours!
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