The time of mourning is over. I have accepted my losses and now it is time to move on. In the old days people observed a period of one year of mourning after the death of a loved one. It is now a little past one year since my Mom went to heaven and while I still love and miss her, it is time to take off the black band of mourning from around my heart and “live” again.
In truth, I could have “lived” all year long for Mom died in Christ and now lives with Him for eternity. I also know that one day I will see her again and together we will worship Him.
I have also had another type of loss in my life in the past year. This loss is among the living. Before I go forward, I want to say that at times I bare my soul here and allow you all to view inside my heart and inside my life. This is one of those times.
To my hearts devastation, I have had to accept the reality that one of my loved ones does not know Christ and is not regenerated. I have suspected and fought the knowledge for some time…but now I will accept and acknowledge the truth.
Why do I post this? Because I know you may be in the same situation. It may be your husband, daughter, son, or parent who you once thought was safe and secure in Christ and you now realize you were wrong. What do you do when that reality comes crashing in on the fantasy you have constructed and all those dreams fly away?
First you accept that repentance and salvation are of God and from God. Those God has chosen will belong to Him in His time. You cannot force someone into salvation, they are called by God and wooed by the Holy Spirit. He is the only one who can open the heart and eyes of the unbeliever.
If you realize your husband is unregenerate, you continue to live as a 1 Peter 3 wife, demonstrating the life and love of Christ in how you live more than trying to convince and coerce him to come to Christ.
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. 1 Peter 3:1-6
If the unregenerate person is your child and the child lives in your home you will still be able to influence them daily. Your actions and demonstrations of faith will not return to you empty; no matter how deadpan and disinterested your child seems to be please know you are making an impact upon their hearts and minds. They will always remember your unconditional love and caring for them.
If your child no longer lives in your home you can still bless them by keeping in frequent contact with them. The wonders of internet, text messaging, social networking sites and webcams will allow you to be an influence in their lives to some degree. Just as with an unregenerate spouse you cannot whine or nag them into the Kingdom of God.
In all cases a very strong power you have is that of prayer. Pray for their regeneration and pray for their repentance. Pray that God would do whatever is necessary to accomplish His perfect and pleasing will in their lives.
And then, you live your life. This is part of accepting God’s sovereignty in your life and in the life of your loved one. You will always love them, and hope always lives until they take their last breath.