Some women bear horrible scars from wounds inflicted upon them by others. Maybe it was a parent who neglected their child, women who was raped by a family member, a wife whose husband was unfaithful, or was molested as a child. All of these issues tend to make a woman introspective, cause her to continually look at herself and wonder what she did to “deserve” such treatment. She spends a lot of time looking backwards in life, reliving the incident and questioning the person who hurt her (when that is possible.)
The number one question people ask is “Why?” “Why did you hurt me?” This is the burning question in the heart of a person who was deeply hurt by someone who should have loved them enough not to.
These women tend to live life looking in the rear view mirror, always focusing on what once was rather than looking forward to what life could be. There is no moving on or moving forward in life.
This is a destructive trap many fall into and as a result they live in bondage to a past they cannot go back and change. All of life revolves around what was done to them, how they hurt, how betrayed they have been. Many a woman has cried out to me about the pain she lives in today because of what happened to her previously.
Her thought life is consumed by the event(s) and often she picks apart every detail she can remember. Questions answered only bring more questions in her mind and she is never satisfied with what she learns, there is always room for one more question. The perceived need for one more answer or detail.
It may not matter if the person who hurt her is repentant, she may have forgiven the person but is still clinging to the hurt she bears. This is often the case in abuse or infidelity when the perpetrator has demonstrated the fruit of repentance even for a prolonged period of time. She cannot move past the offence(s) in her daily life, and if the one who hurt her is still a part of her life she is faced with having to live in both worlds with that person. The offenders past is consistently a part of her present.
She may draw connections from the depths of her pain to completely unrelated things like songs, movies, and poems that “speak to me” about how she imagines it to be. Her day may be proceeding just fine when a random thought will trigger a whole series of thoughts about the past and before long she finds herself sorrowful because of what has happened to her.
These are all symptoms of an unsettled state of mind/heart. She is a victim of her own thought life and living this way is draining and plainly miserable for her. It is common when a person has a life-altering or jolting event happen to them. A person in such a state may be given the diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Dysthymic Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or Depression by the psychiatric folks. Their answer is psychotropic medications…but for those who have not yet ventured down that path, there is another way.
Please note: If you are currently taking a psychotropic medication we do not encourage you to stop taking them on your own. If you wish to stop medicating, you are to contact your medical doctor for assistance with this process. Many of these drugs cannot be stopped cold-turkey and bc4women does not advocate doing so!
Next time we will look at how to deal with this problem biblically.