I recently saw something posted on my social networking site that made me do a double take- it was called *9 Deadly Words Used by A Woman. At first glance I found it rather funny, and then I realized the truth of it and how much these words adversely affect marriage and relationships in general.
And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell. James 3:6 (NASB)
Communication is one area we all seem to struggle with. Some women talk too much, others too little, and there are groups of women whose speech is so consistently foul and foolish we would be better off if they never spoke at all! Rarely do we hear about women who speak eloquently anymore, and a woman with kindness on her tongue (Proverbs 31:26) is hard to find in our world.
Why is it that we prefer to play word games with each other instead of saying what we mean? Is it because if we truly spoke the words that come to mind they would be too harsh or awful to the listener? Does it seem nicer to use sarcasm or to lie to our husbands or friends when they ask us what is wrong?
Them: “What is wrong?”
You: “Nothing.” (“You mean you don’t know without me telling you?!”)
Them: “Is this okay?”
You: “FINE” (and it most certainly is not fine!)
Them: “I am sorry”
You: “Whatever” (“Sure you are sorry, sorry you got caught. I don’t believe you anyway.”)
“But let your statement be, ‘Yes, yes’ or’No, no’; anything beyond these is of evil. Matt. 5:37 (NASB)
Your speech is a direct reflection of what is going on in your heart. There is no skirting around this truth and Scripture makes it abundantly clear, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks (Luke 6:45).
Think about the words you have spoken in anger or the heat of the moment. We so often like to dismiss them as being no how we really feel or think about something or someone, but Scripture tells us that is not the case. If you find yourself using sarcasm do you realize that you think less of the person you are talking to? Sarcasm is demeaning and belittling and we use it to prop ourselves up to a place of superiority. We become wise in our own eyes at that time.
When you scream “I hate you!” the natural (natural man, that is) follow up is to say that you didn’t mean it, that you were only mad at them then. You lie to yourself in those situations, because despite your protestations to the contrary, the heart is pumping out your thoughts and beliefs in that moment. On some level, you really do hate that person. Scary…
This should give every one of us cause to pause. Each of us ought to examine ourselves in light of this truth and we must ask the Lord to search us and reveal to us the wickedness that lurks within. Repentance, confession, and reconciliation with those who have been harmed by sinful use of the tongue must be sought after if we truly want to be godly women and affect those around us with the power of the gospel.
Ask the Lord to remind you to take a moment before you speak and determine if what you are about to say will edify and uplift the person you are going to say it to. Even in a rebuke or correction there can be love and comfort if it is said biblically. Please be aware of the power you hold with your speech.
Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom. James 3:13 (NASB)
*HootSuite Photos (n.d.). In Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=379065288771475&set=a.376227855721885.97477.160654457279227&type=1&theater)
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