One of the reasons I write so frequently on the topic of
sexual immorality is because it is the number one topic that is searched for by
those who find this blog. It is obviously an epidemic, even in the church.
One reason woman search is they have learned their husband
has been involved in some aspect of sexual immorality and are looking for help,
healing, and hope. If this is you today I know that you have no idea what to do
with the heartache that has claimed your life.
Many Christian men
involved in sexual immorality genuinely want to stop. They know it is wrong,
and when they are not tempted to sin they want to stop. They also are disgusted
by their behaviors when they are able to think about them objectively.
It is important you realize that sexual immorality
(adultery) does not happen in a vacuum. 
I don’t think there is ever a day that a man wakes up and says, “I think
I will go and be sexually immoral (commit adultery) today.” There is always
some underlying issue of the heart that begins long before he ever takes the
step of physical adultery or clicks on that porn site on the computer.
The human heart is set on gratifying self, this is a
universal truth and it applies to everyone. Those who have been regenerated by
Christ and are fortunate to be in a good church are taught that they are to
deny themselves, life is not about them, and they are to live and use their
lives to glorify God.
However, we are still sinners and often we struggle with the
gargantuan desires of the flesh. Ephesians 4:18-19 says sinful desires make a
person’s heart hard to the truth of God’s commands and can lead even a
Christian to act as an unbeliever does.
When a person does something they know is contrary to God’s
Word they will experience guilt and shame. Despite the lies of the heart, a
person involved in sexual sin does not have peace.
Some men who have committed physical adultery will say they
never imagined themselves as the object of the desire of another woman. Their
self-image led them to find it unbelievable that another woman besides their
wife would find them attractive or desirable.
Often time’s men know they are the object of lustful looks
by other women. Some were promiscuous before marriage and had other sexual
partners right up to their wedding day. They enjoy the attention given to them
by women and don’t think there is anything wrong with flirting after marriage.
Many adulterers will want to believe that they just “fell
into” the relationship; that they did nothing to promote it or are not
responsible for what happened.
Men who are caught using pornography will often give excuses
for being found with it on their computers. They will say that they don’t know
how it got there, or they were surfing the internet for something innocent and pop-up
just appeared on their screen with no prompting from them. They may claim
innocence saying they allowed a friend or their child to use the computer and
this is how it came back.
Sometimes a husband will admit he has been watching
pornography and blame his wife for his “need” to do so. Men will say that their
wives are not satisfying them sexually or often enough. Some will even try to
legitimize their use of porn by saying their wives have a lack of interest in
sex so they don’t want to bother them with it.
People give a variety of reasons for sexual immorality and
adultery; too many to list actually! Whatever the reason given you must
understand there is really only one
reason; he has a sinful heart. Please understand, you cannot order or command him to stop his sinful behavior
and expect it to stop. No amount of threats or tears or emotional manipulation
will reach the problem that lives deep within him, because it is a spiritual problem
long before it becomes a physical problem.