Today’s guest blogger is Jennifer Miller. She shares a deeply personal story with us today about the scourge of abortion. Jennifer feels a special calling from the Lord to minister to
those who suffer from the grief and shame of a past abortion. She says, “My life is proof
things God works for the good of those who
love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).
abortion were declared unconstitutional in the infamous Supreme Court case Roe v. Wade. Now, 40 years later, children are sacrificed
daily on the altar known as ‘choice’, most of them simply because to let them
live would be an inconvenience or an embarrassment. Although an accurate number
of abortions performed since 1973 is hard to pin down, a safe estimate is somewhere
in the range of 55,000,000. Approximately 43% of women in America will have an
abortion by the age of 45. These are staggering numbers.
about the failure of the church to minister to women who have an abortion in
their past; women like me. God sent his Son as a sacrifice for sin-including
the sin of abortion-and women can be forgiven and set free. It breaks my heart
that millions who are suffering from a past abortion are so ashamed of being
judged by the church that they keep quiet about the secret that is eating them
alive. I believe it also breaks the heart of Christ. Satan loves secrets; he is
the father of lies. While the church remains mute, the hearts and souls of
countless women (and men) are hemorrhaging.
it is a spiritual war, and the silence coming from Christ’s church is
difference to me at the time, I’m not sure I even knew about it. Only 8 short years later, however, the “right
to choose” altered my life forever. I
was a Christian; Christ had reached down, pulled me out of a very dark pit, and
claimed me for His own in 1974; there is no doubt in my mind about that. I
remember it like it was yesterday. Having been raised in a non-Christian family
and surrounded by non-Christian friends, though, it wasn’t long before I walked
straight back to the life that I so desperately wanted to leave.
ashamed, I was afraid, and I was without emotional support. The baby’s father wanted
nothing to do with the pregnancy. He was just as ashamed and afraid as I was, I
know that now and I have forgiven him, by God’s grace. For many years, though,
I resented him and blamed him for not stepping up; the relationship was toxic
to both of us. In no way can I claim that I didn’t know that I was carrying a
baby because I knew it almost at once, just like I did when God later blessed
me with three sons. I knew with every fiber of my being that what I was doing
was very, very wrong. I loved God, I believed Him, but I did not trust that He
would take care of the life that He created. I was afraid.
half. I wanted my little girl so badly, but I listened to the wrong voices. I
listened to the voices that said it was ok because it was very early in the
pregnancy. I listened to the voices that said I would be better off without
her. I listened to the voices that said no one would ever have to know. I
listened to the voices that said it was my choice to make, and I chose the
wrong path. I knew it even as I was lying on that cold table; listening to the
‘doctor’ and nurse laughing about where they were going to go that evening. I
remember wanting to scream and run away, but I didn’t. I got up and walked out
of that clinic and went on with my life, just like the voices told me to. What
I didn’t realize is that those voices were straight out of hell. Not only did
those voices separate me from my baby girl, they also separated me from God for
a very long time.
there for over 20 years. In the meantime, I got married and lived what looked like
a storybook life, from the outside. We had 3 perfect sons, we were active in
church, I did volunteer work in the schools; we owned a small business, we had
the proverbial ‘castle on a hill’. On the inside of those walls, however, lived
domestic violence, drug abuse, adultery, and mountains of bitterness and
regret. I went through the motions with a smile on my face; I became an
excellent actress. Slowly, or so it seemed, everything started to unravel…
having panic attacks, seemingly out of nowhere. I felt like I was going crazy.
God gently led me to prolife resources; I started to read and study His word
and light began to shine into my darkness; everything started to click. All of
the dysfunction and pain in my marriage, all of the physical symptoms, all of
the bitterness and regret pointed right back to that day in 1981, the day I let
my daughter go. In 2002 God reached down to bind up my broken heart and set me
free. It was not instantaneous; it took a very long time. There was a lot of
scarring, a lot of layers that He had to peel back in order to get to the root
of the problem. It took many more years for me to admit to another human being
that I had aborted my daughter.
days, you’re going to ask me to talk about this, aren’t you?” The very thought
of ever speaking out about my abortion and the pain it caused almost paralyzed
me with fear. I was so ashamed; I didn’t want anyone to have to know. Over
time, though, God has taken that fear completely away and replaced it with an
incredibly strong passion to reach out to others who are suffering in silence
and shame. He has truly taken a life that was in ashes and turned it into
something that He can use for His glory. What the Enemy of my soul meant to
destroy me, God is using for good. I still feel very fragile sometimes, and I
still struggle, but God is faithful and continues to sanctify and redeem me
daily as I surrender to Him.
church when my life crashed down? Why the silence? Why did I have to pursue
resources from other places? By not saying anything, the church speaks loudly
and women understand that this particular sin is not to be discussed. Why do we
not actively and intentionally reach out and minister to women and men who are
in bondage from the lies of abortion? The church is supposed to be the body of
Christ; why are we not doing what He would do? It is a travesty; one day we
will stand before a Holy God and He will be the one asking why…
waiting for God to open a door into a full-time counseling ministry. In the
meantime, she does Specialized Crisis Counseling with at risk children and youth on
a PRN basis.
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