The Pain of Pornography in Marriage
They count it a pleasure to revel in the daytime. They are
stains and blemishes, reveling in their deceptions, as they carouse with you,
having eyes full of adultery that never cease from sin, enticing unstable
souls, having a heart trained in greed, accursed children; forsaking the right
way, they have gone astray. . . 2 Peter 2:13a—15a
There are all sorts of material out there aimed at the one who is hooked on pornography, but very little for the brokenhearted spouse.
The area I will bring out today in the blog is pornography.
porn is idolatrous! Their heart is filled with pride as they think that meeting their perceived needs and feelings are all that matters.
commanding a spouse to cease their pornography habit is rarely effectual.
users are prideful people because they become their own god, determining
biblical standards don’t apply to them, and that they can make their own rules.
Often the rules are centered on their belief that as long as no one knows they
view pornography, no one gets hurt. It is perceived as a victimless habit which
pornography is at its base a heart issue, the person who views it must seek
treatment at that level. There are many wonderful books and programs to help
someone who is hooked on porn get free from its domination. Any help a person
receives on sexual sin must be more than “stop that.” The counseling must be
primarily about repentance and change to glorify God.
remember that you cannot stop your husband from sinning. You can set up every
safeguard and system known to mankind but if he wants to return to that
cesspool, he will. That is the first thing you must accept.
of sexual sin is hard, hurtful, and might seem impossible. Typically, the wife
who learns her husband is involved with pornography has many questions. She
wants to know why he had to look at that stuff.
She wants to know why she is not enough to sexually satisfy him, how he
could be so perverted, and there is the question that is asked in the deepest
part of the heart of the wounded spouse: what is wrong with me?
have told me time and time again is they are devastated by this revelation.
There is no way to compete with the surgically altered and silicone injected
bodies in those movies and magazines, and there is no way most Christian women
would consent to some of the activities in the movies either.
are unwilling or unable to provide. Women have told me they are humiliated by
the knowledge that their husband has sought out pornography. The revelation
adds insecurity, fear and shame to what most women already see as lacking in
themselves physically and sexually.
pornography, it is not your fault. You did not do or say anything that would
“make” him view or read it. As I said previously, this is a desire of the flesh
that he is choosing to gratify.
but my hope today was to help you realize you are not “crazy,” you are not
alone, and despite how it looks right now, there is always hope. Men who view pornography don’t have an
illness, they have a sin problem.
Remember, Jesus came to set the captives free!