Today’s guest blogger is Whitney Standlea. Whtiney is a wife and mom of 3 young children. You can read more of her writings here.
When we first came to our current church it was neat to see all of the young children that participated in worship services with their families. Without any kids of our own, we begin asking questions about how the children were trained to sit still for so long. I tucked some ideas away and believed I would have happy, quiet children in the worship service with me by the time they were a year or two old.
Now that I have a two-year-old and a one-year-old, I can assert that training your children to sit in the service is no easy task. As a green horn in reigning in my youngsters, you may be wondering what in the world my intentions are for writing an article about children sitting in the service. What could I possibly say of any value to you? I’m not writing to share my success story or personal how-tos. Rather, my intentions are three-fold: share resources, ignite vision, and create dialogue.
For parents of infants to teenagers, I wanted to share two helpful resources I have found for dealing with the issue of training your children to sit in the service. The first is an excellent book by Noel Piper called Treasuring God in our Traditions. In the back of this book is an appendix called “The Family: Together in God’s Presence.” It is a very short read on the Pipers’ experience of training their own children in the worship service. It includes a biblical perspective on the issue as well as very practical ways to introduce young children to worship.
The second resource is much more thorough. Parenting in the Pew is a 132 page book by Robbie Castleman with the purpose of helping “parents train children in the only ‘proper behavior’ for church: worship!” Not only is this book a hilarious read with tons of anecdotes, but Castleman provides suggestions for every area of the worship service and covers everything from toddlers to teens.
The thing that impacted me the most about these two resources, however, were not the clever tips and creative ideas. What I valued the most was a recasting of my vision for my children to be in service with me. They helped me move beyond wanting my children not to be a distraction in worship, to wanting them to participate in worship. Castleman explains it by asking whether or not we are teaching our children to “count bricks or encounter God.”
While I think we can all share in that goal, there is a degree of Christian liberty here. Use the nursery till your child’s two, four, or never? Gradually introduce them to the service, or full-immersion? Sometimes our different perspectives in these issues can lead us to divert from discourse about the main goal. However, I strongly feel that this challenging, significant task deserves to be talked about. The more we can share our struggles, successes, ideas, and questions with each other on this issue, the more we can equip and encourage one another to lead our children in to the presence of God.
What is one of the most useful things you have found to help your children pay attention during a service?
What is one of the most difficult obstacles you have faced with your children and the worship service?
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I so appreciated this post, Whitney! Thanks so much! I'm beginning to work through what my 5yo should be doing during church (she already sits with me), and would like to bring my 3yo into the service with me, too. I'm nervous, though, because he's "all boy," and training in this area has been slooooooow going. He understands our expectations, but doesn't care to meet them, regardless of the consequences, and our consistency. I'm looking forward to checking out Noel Piper's book, and will definitely look into the Castleman book, too! Thanks again!
Steph, I am glad the post was an encouragement to you. I think that Piper and Castleman's books will be a blessing to you as well. Some kids definitely are more resistant than others in this area. One of the greatest helps with my restless boys has been family worship in the evenings and a structured "blanket time" where they have to sit quietly with some books during the day. This has provided a great opportunity for them to learn to be still for shorter amounts of time. It is also a much more controlled environment for teaching and discipline than in the middle of a church service. I've been really thankful for this foundation leading into the longer service times at church. Hang in there!