Because we live in such a sin-saturated culture some women find it very difficult to keep their thoughts from straying in the direction of lustful fantasizing.
Is is wrong to fantasize?
You might think that there is nothing wrong with fantasizing about romance or sex since it is only in your mind. It seems harmless enough! Is anyone really being hurt by thinking about that character in the romance novel you read? Is there any harm in wondering what it would be like to break out of the ordinary way of life and do something wild and daring? Is it wrong to play out a scene in your mind with that handsome, hot singer or actor? You’re not really meeting him…
Such thinking is very dangerous. It stirs up discontent in a woman’s heart for the man God gave her as a husband. It pours out a powder keg of emotions and feelings just waiting for a match to start it on fire.
You might be wondering if it’s wrong to think these things and yet allow your husband to “benefit” from them in your intimate times. Let me answer that with a question: Would you be upset if he did the same thing by looking at pornography? If he was fantasizing about a beautiful woman or an actress? I doubt you would care if you “benefited” from that, most women are enraged by such things!
More than any of this, Scripture says we must cultivate thoughts that are pure, lovely, excellent and praiseworthy (Phil. 4:8). This is because while no one else can see our secret thought life, God can.
“Am I a God who is near,” declares the Lord, “And not a God far off? “Can a man hide himself in hiding places So I do not see him?” declares the Lord. Do I not fill the heavens and the earth?” declares the Lord. Jer. 23:23-24 (NASB)
None of our thoughts are hidden from God, and when a woman desires to think lustfully it is a signal that something within her heart needs attention. A wise woman will examine herself to uncover what has led her to this place.
Usually Bible reading and prayer has fallen off the map entirely. Little excuses and a day here and a day there lead to prolonged periods with no biblical input apart from Sunday or Wednesday services.
but the worries of the world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the desires for other things enter in and choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful. Mark 4:19 (NASB)
If you are not reading the Word and meditating on it, something else will quickly take its place. It becomes too easy to make excuses to avoid God’s Word and replace it with television, reading books, or watching movies with content that does nothing for the soul except corrupt it.
Peter was right on when he warned Christians in 1 Peter 2:11: I urge you as aliens and strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts which wage war against the soul. This is a battle, it is a war, and without the Word hidden in your heart you do not stand a chance at fighting off the fleshly lusts that want to enslave you.
Something needs to change.
Get back in the Book. That is primary and job number one! If you have opened the door of fantasizing you will need to actively put off those temptations (Eph. 4:22-24). It will take work on your part to deny those thoughts when they arise. You must put those sinful, lustful thoughts back in the tomb where the dead things lay.
You have to guard your heart from the things you know tempt you to sin in your thought life. It might mean you cannot go to the library, or access on line books. It might mean no cable television. It might mean all of those things but honestly, if you really want to sin in your thought life you don’t need any of them. James 1:14-15 says our own evil desires are strong enough to lead us to sin – without anything else.
The good news
The good news is that it is possible for you to avoid lustful thoughts and sinful fantasies. Paul tells us that there is no temptation that is new, no sin that is new, but that all the things we deal with are common to mankind (1 Cor. 10:13). Our Lord Jesus Christ is the way of escape and He is willing and waiting for you to run to Him when you are tempted. Flee the scene and run to Jesus.
Too simplistic for you? Does it seem too easy? I assure you, living a life of self-denial is anything but easy. Make it your goal to control your thought life for a week and then tell me how easy it is! You cannot do it apart from Jesus.
For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Christ Jesus, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from every lawless deed, and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession, zealous for good deeds. Titus 2:11-14 (NASB)
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