Remodeling Begins in the Heart
My kitchen has been torn apart for about a month, and we are approaching the halfway point in remodeling the main floor of the house. I have been without a sink in the kitchen for more than 2 weeks, maybe 3. Washing dishes in the bathroom sink is difficult and inconvenient.
I want things done now. Faster. Quicker. I am only the second banana in this operation, the assistant to my husband, the guy in charge. Six weeks or so ago; the day I rolled the first of the new paint on the walls in the kitchen I recall telling myself, “You are the assistant. Your job is to be the helper and not the boss. We will go at Larry’s pace in this task, you will have to be patient.”
I have actually done quite well! The “old me” would have been climbing the newly painted walls and jumping down my husband’s throat by now. I consider this progress!
But, alas, I have learned through this remodeling project that I have certainly NOT arrived. The Lord has used this project to remind me of a few things about myself. I am a common vessel that is well-used and as a result, I have the chips and hairline cracks that you would expect to see in something that is in service every day. Usually, the daily stressors and problems are manageable and life flows along just fine. However, when I am under pressure, my sin leaks out of those cracks.
I have been reading through A.W. Tozer’s The Pursuit of God, and the Lord has used that book and our home remodeling project to remind me that I am still under construction. There are still issues of the heart that must be put to death by the Spirit of God in my life. Anger, discontent, impatience, unkindness, just to name a few of the things that have been rattling around my thoughts, beliefs, and desires the past several days. These are all “self-sins” as Tozer puts it; all focused solely on my favorite idol- me. Tozer says these self-sins “dwell too deep within us and are too much a part of our natures to come to attention until the light of God is focused on them.” (pg. 32)
I am still a sinner in need of a Savior. The work of heart change continues in my own life to this very hour! There is no special dispensation from confession, repentance, and change in anyone’s life, nor should I wish there to be.
Seeing my sinfulness reminds me of both how far I have come and how far I have yet to travel on the road of sanctification. I want these things to be revealed in me. I desire to be transformed as that caterpillar is melted down and reconstituted inside that cocoon (Romans 12:2). I pray I will emerge from this divine process as an entirely different person, with none of the ugliness that so often characterizes my being. And while I pray, I am not praying for something that is only a possibility, I am praying with certainty. I know that I will one day be entirely different, entirely transformed. I will one day fully reflect the glory of the Son who died that I would be holy. In this, I greatly rejoice.
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6 (ESV)