How Can a Wife Respect an Ungodly Husband?
Biblical counselors are often asked by women who are in difficult marriages, “How can I respect my husband when he is so ungodly?” Respecting her husband is something a wife is commanded to do (Ephesians 5:33). This is especially difficult if her husband is not a Christian or if her husband is foolish and has made decisions that have been harmful or brought trouble into the family. Even if a husband does not walk with God or is a poor decision maker a wife is still expected by God to respect his position as the leader in the family according to God’s design (1 Corinthians 11:3). God has ordained the husband to be the head of the wife and children, and the head of the home. In some cases, respecting his position is easier than respecting his personality.
A Heart of Submission
A wife is not to wait until she feels like respecting him to carry out this command. Respecting her husband is primarily an act of obedience before God. It is an attitude of the heart of the woman that has submitted herself to God’s authority and in so doing is willing to respectfully submit herself to her husband’s authority.
The wife can show respect even to an ungodly husband by watching her words. She should be careful not to be insulting, critical, hurtful, or sarcastic with her speech. She should also be careful with her nonverbal communication; paying special attention not to “give the cold shoulder” or to have an attitude of general indifference toward him. Instead, her words should be kind and edifying (Ephesians 4:29) and be used to encourage and build him up. She should speak honestly and avoid using manipulative tactics in order to get her own way (Proverbs 14:1). She should treat him with love and compassion (1 Corinthians 13:5), and speak highly of him to others instead of pointing out his failures and flaws.
Another way a wife can show respect to her husband is to do as he asks even if it doesn’t seem important to her (1 Peter 3:5). A disrespectful woman may use passive aggressive techniques to convey her lack of respect without using words. She may “forget” something he has asked her to do, or schedule something at a time that conflicts with something that is important to her husband (Proverbs 12:4).
Respect is an Attitude
Respecting a difficult husband can be done. We know this is true for God has commanded us to do so. Respect is an attitude long before it is ever an action. If a woman is having a difficult time respecting her husband she should begin to think about how she would respond if God had asked her to do the same thing her husband has asked her to do. Her attitude should be one of always responding to God no matter who is doing the asking. This is especially helpful when a woman is married to a very ungodly and hostile man. I will often tell a woman in such circumstances that when she is respecting her husband she is respecting God. I remind her that she can look past her husband’s sinfulness and do what she is doing for the glory of God. It is helpful to say that as she is respecting her husband, she is also respecting and glorifying God. She will be blessed for her obedience and her husband will be the beneficiary of her desire and determination to obey God.
We are not a licensed counseling agency, nor are we psychologically or medically trained therapists. We offer ‘pastoral’ counseling intended to bring life change through heart change.
We know this is true for God has commanded us to do so. – I needed this with my whole heart.
1 Corinthians 11:3
New English Translation
3 But I want you to know that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman,[a] and God is the head of Christ.
1 Cor 11:3 Tell me your ways aren’t God ways. This is the order God want us, as Eph 5:33 wives, to love our Godly husband by Christ being the head of man, man is the head of wife. Not the unGodly husband but 1 Cor 11:3
I’m a Christian married to an alcoholic. He has broken every vow he spoke to me. I have started nagging and though I’ve forgiven and loved him as a child of God, I’ve allowed the enemy through his ex girlfriend that he shares a child with to control and still my joy. I’ve been blamed for everything, including ruining his teenage son’s life. I feel I’ve tried everything possible. I’ve sinned by becoming bitter over time. I’ve prayed each day without ceasing. I feel so hopeless and unworthy. Should I just give up on my marriage?
I’ve been verbally abused and he’s even called my great niece (9 yrs old) a little demon. But his teenage son like he are innocent. I’ve taken blame for everything. I’ve apologized over and again. I have asked for forgiveness even when I felt I didn’t need to or didn’t feel wrong.
I know the word says I should be a leader behind him. I thought I was, but I’ve failed with my anger/ heartache/ bitterness. I really don’t know what to do at this point. I feel the leaders of our church don’t really care. That seems to be a normal thing these days from everyone. HELP ME PLEASE
Dear friend,
Thank you so much for reaching out. Your situation is certainly difficult, but there are answers in God’s Word. It is not acceptable to surrender to being abused, and you don’t have to live that way. As a person created in the image of God, you have worth and value. Please reach out to one of our biblical counselors for help, we deal with these issues all the time.