“But what if it’s cancer? How will we deal with that? I don’t want to leave my husband and children alone!”
“But what if my car breaks down? I barely have enough money to cover my expenses! How will I get to work?
“But what if the pain gets worse? How will I cope with it? How will I function?”
Have you heard this phrase before? It means that if you can think positively—put a positive spin on your problem, it won’t be so hard. As you know if you’ve tried this, the effect can be good, but it is rarely a lasting one. You can “think positive” about something for a time, but reality usually dictates that when something is difficult, one’s thinking about it can’t stay positive for long.
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About 10 years ago, I began my journey with chronic pain. It started innocently enough, with knee pain from arthritis. Fast forward to now, I’ve had two failed knee replacements on the same leg, and I am still battling knee pain, along with a number of other sources of chronic pain that have arisen as a result.
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This is such a mixed bag of emotions! I am rejoicing over the addition of a precious new baby into our family, and I am sorrowful as my dad is slipping away. My heart is divided as I say both “hello” and “goodbye” to people I love.
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A life-changing event like this forces a person to examine their identity. Who am I now? Who am I if I can’t be who I thought I was? A believer in this kind of trial will be forced to take a hard look at where she has rooted her identity. If she doesn’t line it up with Scripture, she risks depression, sorrow, and bitterness. This is exactly where I was as my “new normal” became clear to me. I found myself in a kind of limbo, realizing that I had grounded my sense of who I was in what I could do. When this became clear, I knew that I had to deconstruct the person I had built and start over. This time though, it wouldn’t be me doing the building.
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