Pornography as Sexual Foreplay
The question of pornography used as a “marital aid” has been asked many times. The simple answer to a person wanting to know if pornography is acceptable if both husband and wife are in agreement is, “No.” Some couples would like to view pornography together as a part of their sexual foreplay. Others intend to use it to spice up their sex lives when things get boring after a number of years. The rationalization they offer is that pornography is acceptable for them because the two people actually having sex are married to each other. However, from a biblical perspective, this behavior is still sinful! Pornography perverts what God intends for the sexual relationship in marriage.
Pornography is focused on meeting the felt needs of the moment. Those viewing pornography truly believe they have to fulfill the desires that are stoked by what they see while watching pornography. The feelings and desires a person has from the sexual stimulation of pornography begin to demand allegiance and come to rule the viewer (Proverbs 27:20). This creates a heart that is trained in greed and focused on self. As in all other forms of sinfulness, couples who view pornography have their focus on fulfilling their own lusts of the flesh. The other person in the sexual act becomes the vehicle by which they can fulfill their lustful desires. Pornography tends to breed an animalistic type of desire that is almost always completely focused on self.
This is in direct conflict with the sexual relationship that the Bible describes between husband and wife. The sexual relationship is to be other-oriented, and the focus of both husband and wife is to be on pleasuring their spouse, not themselves. Pornography is a lie. It promises a wonderful, delightful experience, but that is only fantasy. Pornography provides a paradigm that is impossible in real life.
Sex Outside of Marriage
While not visually as graphic as pornography, we see the effects of sex outside of marriage with multiple partners on a routine basis being played out in “relationships” between people we know in everyday life. There is not much difference between what takes place in those relationships and what a couple views when watching pornography. Those having sex outside of marriage are equally as selfish and sinful as those involved in pornography. There is no selfless giving in these relationships, there is only having my selfish perceived needs met through the use of another person’s body. What people fail to recognize is that these are persons who have also been created in the image and likeness of God (Genesis 1:27). As his image-bearers, it is grossly sinful to use their bodies as simple receptacles of another person’s lustful desires. Married couples seeking to “jump start” their sexual relationship by using pornography will find that this practice will leave them with an emotional void. They too will become “users” of each other’s bodies apart from the special and intimate interaction for which God designs sex in marriage.
I would not ever recommend a couple start down such a destructive path in their marriage. Pornography has no place in marriage.